After being diagnosed with diabetes three years ago, my weight has fluctuated from a high of 302 to a low of 240. And as any physician worth his or her salt will tell you that losing and gaining lots of weight is not good for you. Here is a photo of me coming in at 302. Notice the wonderful clothing you can wear when you get that big.So this past spring I had a long conversation with my primary care physician, who happens to be a nurse practitioner, and we started talking about long-term options to keep my blood sugar in check and also address my weight gain and loss. She mentioned that the Veteran's Administration (VA) was performing surgery on veterans to stem the long term effects of being OVERWEIGHT. Yes, that is right, at the height of my weight gain, I was MORBIDLY OBESE. Who would have ever thunk it?
So on 4 April 2008 I started down the path to see if I could qualify for bariatric surgery which included taking several surveys, attending multiple nutrition and goal setting classes, weekly group therapy behavior-modification sessions, an entire battery of mental assessments (six or seven), an evaluation by a psychiatrist, and I had to lose between five and ten percent of my BMI. By the 4th of June I had lost the weight and was referred to the surgical team in Dallas, Texas. My referral is for the 11th of July and that is when I will finally find out if and what kind of surgery I will be having or I may be coming home to sulk and eat an entire cheesecake.
One of the observations I wanted to make about this entire issue is the fact that not a single person that I have talked to over the past three months, except for two of my friends who are medical professionals, believe that I need to have the surgery or need to lose at least 100 pounds.
In the problem solving process, the first step is admitting that you have a problem. I now believe and have come to the realization that I am in fact MORBIDLY OBESE and need to lose a significant amount of weight to ensure that I am alive to see my children have children. But it still surprises me at the reaction I get from people when I tell them that I am thinking about having surgery.
-"No way, you're not fat,"
-"You don't need to lose that much weight,"
-"You have big bones."
I am not sure if people are just trying to be nice or if people just don't see the FAT that is in front of them. I truly believe that as a people in this country we have gotten so fat that I have become the face of the new "normal" person, I'm not fat, just big boned. The bottom line is that my bones structure is not big, I just have a lot of fat on the bones that I have.
What I have learned over the past three months is that I have an eating disorder: I EAT TOO DAMN MUCH! I am an emotional eater who eats when I am happy, sad, depressed, and hungry which means I eat emotionally just about all the time (I probably sneak snacks in my sleep or at least in my dreams cuz I never wake up hungry.) Additionally, I have huge problems with portion control....in lay terms that means my eyes are bigger than my stomach.
So now you have it.....I'm FAT and I have made a decision to NOT BE FAT. I have set some goals and one of those happens to be to continue to lose weight whether I get to have the surgery or not. Reduce my portions (only three ounces of meat at dinner) at meal time. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day at least four days a week. Eat at least two portions of fresh fruits and vegetables each day. Most of all continue to pray that My Father in Heaven will see fit to give me the strength, courage, and the fortitude to meet my ultimate goal: 155 pounds.As I continue on this journey I will let you know how everything is going.
Much Love and Respect,
Byron Lynn
P.S. I thought about eating eight times while writing this post!!!
